09

March
2008

My NameSake

category: Uncategorized
by Kamael, No Comments »

Many of you have asked me why this site is named plantain chips. It has to do with my mommy.

My mommy makes the best plantain chips. She gets very green plantains and slices them thinly, and fries them in a pan - and there you have it, plantain chips. I have been eating them since I was a kid. Now that I am on the left coast, I don’t see her as much, but ever so often, my mommy will send a batch tovia express mail. They are always in some strange Costco sized peanut or spaghetti jar and tighlty wrapped and sealed so none fall out.

I know how to make them myself now, but they never taste as good as when she makes them.

And there you have it. www.Plantain-chips.com.


07

March
2008

Text Me Baby One More Time

category: Life
by Kamael, 1 Comment »

Today, I got the strangest text - it was from my sister. My sister has always maintained that she would never start texting - why bother, she says. But tonight, while i was at dinner, I got a text from her! As I scrolled thru my inbox of texts I realized I had over 85 texts from friends, strangers and now, family. I think it is time to put down the do’s and don’ts of texting:

DO TEXT WHEN:

1. You are going to be late. “Split my pants, had to change, be there in 10 minutes.”
2. Need to give directions. “Am at Porn shop on 15th and jackson. Back aisle.”
3. You need your memory jogged. “What’s the name of that asswipe you dated last year that left you broken hearted, again?”
4. Want to make last minute plans. “Going for a Happy Donut run. You want in?”
5. Playing Wingman. “Is this bozo still talking? I am coming in.”

DON’T TEXT:

1. To say hi. The person on the other end is at a complete loss on what to do with this. Do they text hi back? Or do they give you a call? This is just a dumb text.
2. “What are you up to?”. This is a booty call. Everyone knows this is code for you “wanna come over?” Unless, you are actually booty calling, don’t text this, please. It is awkward.
3. Your life updates. Texts that run into two pages and get truncated are best left for email or live talk. Save the play by play weekend update for the next time you see someone.
4. Bad news. If you ran into your friend’s ex and his new hot girlfriend, don’t text the news. Actually, don’t even tell this news. No one stands to gain from this news. Keep your mouth shut and tape your fingers together on this one.
5. I’m up for anything. This only leads to more texting. And this can get costly. Plan with less expensive modes of communication like talking or chat.

Follow these tips and you can prevent thumb arthritis.


16

February
2008

Blind Leading the Blind

category: Life
by Kamael, No Comments »

Today I had coffee with a friend who is going through a difficult patch in life. She is bored with her job, is single and wants to lose ten pounds. I gave her the usual pep talk - this is a rough patch, learn from it, be strong, good times will come, you are a good person, blah blah blah. Suggested working less, finding a new job, even offered to review her resume. Told her I would go running with her, we would eat healthy together and that she doesn’t look overweight (which she doesn’t). But as I was walking home, I started asking myself - who the heck am I to be giving life advice to someone? I mean, my job is not my dream job, I am single and I totally want to lose the ten pounds I gained in 2007.

What makes my advice relevant? And when is it okay to give advice? Is this what people really need when they come to you to talk?

We can all learn from books how to be more effective, or how to be better in relationships - we can even learn how to be a the next cassanova. But there is no book out there on how to fix it all and get it all right.

Part of giving advice is understanding what someone else is going through - and that is often only because you went though it yourself. But to give advice that is really relevant to them - you have to really understand them - and the nuances of who they are. And how many of your friends can you truly say that about? It can’t be more than 5. To know someone that deeply that you can put yourself in their shoes and give advice taking into consideration who they are, not what you would do - is so difficult. It takes selflessness, many experiences and many many years.

Do I really know what I am doing in life? Probably not. But today I gave myself some great advice.


15

February
2008

The New Me

category: Uncategorized
by Kamael, 1 Comment »

Peeps! I have a new site. How exciting. Here are the things I learned in setting up plantain-chips.com:

Welcome to my well calculated, clearly articulated and highly relevant blog!


14

February
2008

Office Space

category: Humor
by Kamael, No Comments »

As I firmly dig my heels into 2008, I realized that 2007 was a significant milestone for one reason: it marked my 10th year anniversary of being in the workforce (I maintain bschool was work). I want to take a moment and thank the role models I encountered over the last 10 years - they have all immensely impacted my career and drive to succeed in this dog eat dog world of business.

In no particular order, here they are:

Ms. V-Neck: She is the master persuader. We all know men get distracted by the v-neck and don’t pay attention in meetings. They want to look, but can’t look, but just looked and now must spend the rest of the meeting looking down. But she distracts women as well. I have spent hours sitting across Ms. V-Neck wondering which Victoria Secret bra she is wearing. Is it the Angel? Cuz that one did nothing for me. Is it Wonderbra? Maybe she is wearing the chicken cutlets and, if so, how did she get them to give her so much cleavage? They can’t possibly be real…can they? One hour later, I have managed to turn over 10% of my budget to Ms.V-Neck for a project with a 98% failure rate. Thanks for distracting me to failure, Ms. V-Neck.

Mr. Yes Man: He is unbelievably enthusiastic about a desk job. It’s not because he believes in the product or company vision. It is because he is going to quit. And he doesn’t care. He says yes to everything and even goes as far as putting together spreadsheets and powerpoints to show his enthusiasm. He takes the hardest tasks on the action items list. And then they get delegated to you. He sticks around for months after you just got hired so he can collect his bonus and spreads the Yes love to everyone. And then he leaves skid marks with his exit. Thanks for making me bitter, Mr. Yes Man.

Ms Fidget: It’s so hard to know when to shut up in meetings or if what you said was well received. We have all looked to Ms. Fidget for guidance. If she squirms alot, she is trying to stay awake. If she twitches while you talk, then you know your point is terrible or vague. But Miss Fidget isn’t listening to you. She has gas and is trying not to let one rip. It’s not about you. It’s about the extra helping of broccoli she had for lunch. Thanks for always sitting in front of me, Ms. Fidget.

Mr. Laptop: Usually the techie in the meeting, Mr. Laptop brings his computer into every meeting and constantly looks down typing furiously. You let him do this because he is the technical genius in the room and must be coding, right? You are just so glad to have his expert presence. But we all know that developers code at midnight and in rooms full of twinkie snacks with little ventilation. Mr. Laptop is not listening to you. He thinks all business people are stupid and you especially. He is writing version 4 of an email to some hot girl he wants to date but has no chance with. He is animating his match.com profile to get that edge over the other dudes. He is the next Master Online Pick-Up Artist. And you’re a dumb business person. Thanks for belittling me, Mr. Laptop.

There are so many more that I have to thank - every day at work is a new learning experience for me. But I couldn’t have made it to where I am today - overworked and underpaid - if it wasn’t for these folks.

Thank You.



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