Text Me Baby One More Time

category: Life
by Kamael,

Today, I got the strangest text - it was from my sister. My sister has always maintained that she would never start texting - why bother, she says. But tonight, while i was at dinner, I got a text from her! As I scrolled thru my inbox of texts I realized I had over 85 texts from friends, strangers and now, family. I think it is time to put down the do’s and don’ts of texting:

DO TEXT WHEN:

1. You are going to be late. “Split my pants, had to change, be there in 10 minutes.”
2. Need to give directions. “Am at Porn shop on 15th and jackson. Back aisle.”
3. You need your memory jogged. “What’s the name of that asswipe you dated last year that left you broken hearted, again?”
4. Want to make last minute plans. “Going for a Happy Donut run. You want in?”
5. Playing Wingman. “Is this bozo still talking? I am coming in.”

DON’T TEXT:

1. To say hi. The person on the other end is at a complete loss on what to do with this. Do they text hi back? Or do they give you a call? This is just a dumb text.
2. “What are you up to?”. This is a booty call. Everyone knows this is code for you “wanna come over?” Unless, you are actually booty calling, don’t text this, please. It is awkward.
3. Your life updates. Texts that run into two pages and get truncated are best left for email or live talk. Save the play by play weekend update for the next time you see someone.
4. Bad news. If you ran into your friend’s ex and his new hot girlfriend, don’t text the news. Actually, don’t even tell this news. No one stands to gain from this news. Keep your mouth shut and tape your fingers together on this one.
5. I’m up for anything. This only leads to more texting. And this can get costly. Plan with less expensive modes of communication like talking or chat.

Follow these tips and you can prevent thumb arthritis.

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