11

September
2008

High School Note Passing

category: Life
by admin, No Comments »

On my recent trip back to NYC, my mom presented me with a large crate of high-school memories she demanded I go thru and take back with me to California. The crate was full of pictures, report cards, books, knick-knacks and a small box containing notes my best friend and I wrote to each other during our four years at Bronx Science. It’s amazingly amusing how simple life was in high school. Here’s an excerpt:

Kimmy,

Hey babes, I’m really not feeling up to gym today - should I go? I don’t know. I’ll probably go - but I am not really feeling up to it. Seriously, I may not go. Happy 2 months! Yea! How come you have all the rich boy, long relationships?? No fair! Whatever. Anyway, Jason’s que idiota! Oy! I was seriously going to hang up on him - now I don’t really don’t want to speak to him. If he hadn’t acted so stupid! Whatever - I will vent more later. Adam and Jodie say that I should just tell Lev. I am actually contemplating it. Really - what do I have to lose? My regards to Paul and Mr. B. I apologize for neglecting them. Write back!! Can you believe the AP Logic is today?!? Debbie and Jon are taking it - yikes!

Love, Viv


27

April
2008

Presidential Attention Required

category: Dating
by admin, No Comments »

I am not sure when my personal life took a turn for the worse and required PRESIDENTIAL attention, but last week I received this email:

Greetings,

….From San Francisco and hope this note finds you in high spirits! We have not met. However, as a Lawyer-turned Certified Matchmaker and Relationship Expert , who has received a very enthusiastic response from the Professional Community, I wanted to introduce Intersections Matchmaking.

Intersections Matchmaking is a Matchmaking Service, which helps accomplished and busy professionals maximize their chances of finding significant others through a highly-personalized process involving extensive consultation and feedback.

Feel free to forward our website (www.intersectionsmatch.com) to those you know, who may be interested in learning about our (i) Nationwide Personal Consultation/”Pool Membership”, or (ii) “Introduction Plan” services.

Please feel free to have folks contact me with any questions (jasbina@intersectionsmatch.com).

Thanks for your time,

Jasbina
President, Intersections Matchmaking

Clearly, I am in desperate need of “extensive consultation and feedback”…


20

March
2008

Mr. Passive Pants

category: Peeves
by admin, No Comments »

You all know him. He’s the guy that takes the safe route. The guy that likes a girl and never asks her out. The guy that waits, waits and waits for all the stars to align and all the ducks to be in a row before he makes a move. He’s Mr. Passive Pants. He most likely had this quote in his high-school yearbook:

” All human wisdom us summed up in two words - wait and hope”

What the hell does the quote mean?? Sigh.

I have advice for Mr. Passive Pants. No world was conquered with waiting. No business was built by sitting in a room hoping. No woman is won over by passivity.

I know so many men - many of which are my good friends - that don’t make a move when they want something. They sit and wait - for the right time - the right situation - a full moon. They just wait. And then they wonder why the girl they like is dating mr. tool or mr. ass or mr. tight abs. Well I have news for you, Mr. Passive Pants. It is not because these men are better than you. It is because they showed a sense of want and urgency around a situation. They went after what they wanted. They may have not had the smoothest moves or be the best line. Chances are they were a bit of a bumbling idiot. But they went for it. End of story.


09

March
2008

My NameSake

category: Uncategorized
by admin, No Comments »

Many of you have asked me why this site is named plantain chips. It has to do with my mommy.

My mommy makes the best plantain chips. She gets very green plantains and slices them thinly, and fries them in a pan - and there you have it, plantain chips. I have been eating them since I was a kid. Now that I am on the left coast, I don’t see her as much, but ever so often, my mommy will send a batch tovia express mail. They are always in some strange Costco sized peanut or spaghetti jar and tighlty wrapped and sealed so none fall out.

I know how to make them myself now, but they never taste as good as when she makes them.

And there you have it. www.Plantain-chips.com.


07

March
2008

Text Me Baby One More Time

category: Life
by admin, 1 Comment »

Today, I got the strangest text - it was from my sister. My sister has always maintained that she would never start texting - why bother, she says. But tonight, while i was at dinner, I got a text from her! As I scrolled thru my inbox of texts I realized I had over 85 texts from friends, strangers and now, family. I think it is time to put down the do’s and don’ts of texting:

DO TEXT WHEN:

1. You are going to be late. “Split my pants, had to change, be there in 10 minutes.”
2. Need to give directions. “Am at Porn shop on 15th and jackson. Back aisle.”
3. You need your memory jogged. “What’s the name of that asswipe you dated last year that left you broken hearted, again?”
4. Want to make last minute plans. “Going for a Happy Donut run. You want in?”
5. Playing Wingman. “Is this bozo still talking? I am coming in.”

DON’T TEXT:

1. To say hi. The person on the other end is at a complete loss on what to do with this. Do they text hi back? Or do they give you a call? This is just a dumb text.
2. “What are you up to?”. This is a booty call. Everyone knows this is code for you “wanna come over?” Unless, you are actually booty calling, don’t text this, please. It is awkward.
3. Your life updates. Texts that run into two pages and get truncated are best left for email or live talk. Save the play by play weekend update for the next time you see someone.
4. Bad news. If you ran into your friend’s ex and his new hot girlfriend, don’t text the news. Actually, don’t even tell this news. No one stands to gain from this news. Keep your mouth shut and tape your fingers together on this one.
5. I’m up for anything. This only leads to more texting. And this can get costly. Plan with less expensive modes of communication like talking or chat.

Follow these tips and you can prevent thumb arthritis.



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